Patient Emil

Blind devotion- informed consent absolute obedience ... the best way to see love is with a blind eye

this page is run by (IRL) Emil Mesmer

Cognition: forget about your "once human" identity ... I'm so tired all the time. It's that medicine they give me... I can't remember--why cant I remember? I cant manage to cry anymore, all I can do is scream in pain as they electrocute my body. I fall onto the cold bed. for a while it is nothing but silence and ringing all around me. My throat feels raw. I could never breathe--somewhere in the distance there is faint screaming. Eventually I realize why my throat ached badly; I was the one screaming. They wont stop. I just want them to leave me alone.

Diagnoses: Amnesia, Dementia, manic fits, severe aggressive tendancies, dog like behavior

Those sporadic fragments of memories keep scaring me at night.. I shrink away as they glare at me with chains rattling loudly as they strain against them. I remember how I was forcibly held, tied up, locked in a cage. The sky was always full of dust because of the dogs and their loud barking. There were many people uttering crazy cheers and greeting. I always get adruptly awaken by these "dreams". It doesnt help to know no one is here to help. Its so cold. Why is my room always so cold and dark? Where is everyone? I.. I cant make a sound.. I cant even .. move.. I'm ..I'm too tired but I do not want to fall asleep again.

My heart drops hearing the heels of Dr Mesmer and the other Nurses come down the hallway. I shut my eyes--hoping they would walk past my room. I hold my breath every time I see their shadows; under the medal door, growing bigger meaning theyre approaching. Why me? Who am I? All I am aware of is that my name is Emil Mesmer, and that I am a patient in this asylum.. But thats all I can recall. My memory sucks I fucking hate how I can't even remember a simple name. The nurses would always speak to me but theyre so fucking annoying what do they gain from hurting me? I remember the first time Dr. Mesmer was introduced to me. " Don't bother talking to that one, he's not very talkative." Is what the nurses said to her. Regaurding the workers at the asylum, I've only really spoken to one, and that was Ada.. at least thats what the nurses called her.

Something was different about her, her heart radiates warmth. She would often tell the nurses to make the medication doses lower since they were practically drugging me to the point of me appearing like a corpse. The nurses would tell her she was overreacting.. at least is someone who understands.. Sometimes I would find her sneaking into my room at night, I could tell she was trying to be as quiet as possible. I would pretend to stay asleep ... So that I wouldnt accidentally startle her. She would rummage through the cabnates looking for low dose medications since the other nurses wont listen to her. I think.. I for once in my life.. I want to protect her.